


Dirty Flowers and Fallen Stones

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Dreams, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Feels, Heart Disease, High School, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I don't actually know id this is mature or for teens, I feel cruel writing this, I'll tag it as mature though?, Jean and Marco are boyfriends but it's not the main pairing, M/M, Sad Ending, Swimming, Terminal Illnesses, There may be some fluff in later chapters, at the moment it's for teens though, maybe some smut too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-02-03 15:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1749575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean and Eren were once childhood friends. As they grow up, their relationship becomes more complicated and they grow more distant over time, that is until Eren begins faces a life threatening challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're not that Important

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I had this idea as soon as I woke up this morning due to personal reasons and it really inspired me to write this.

_He remembered. There was a whole field of grass dancing to the wind that whistled the sweetest tune. The young brunette grinned up at Jean and pulled on the others shirt._

_“The little stream is across here, we’ve been looking for ages but we’re close, I’m sure of it!”  Eren said, pointing his finger into the distance. Jean nodded and grabbed the others hand, walking towards the destination where the stream that Eren wanted to visit was. Children’s laughter and words were carried through the wind and they both jumped and hugged each other when they saw the little stream. “We did it! We did it!” Eren called, punching the air. He took a small sigh and pulled on Jeans hand, slowly approaching the stream. They both sat down, taking off their shoes and dipping their feet in the water, squealing at the icy coldness that rushed against their feet._

_“Eren… what was it that you wanted to tell me?” Jean asked, tugging small tuffs of grass out of the dirt. Eren smiled and looked up into the sky before turning to face Jean._

_“Well… You remember how mom and dad took me to the hospital because I was poorly?” He swallowed, not giving the other time to answer the question. “Well, the doctor said that… when I’m a big, strong boy… I won’t be able to do other things like all the other boys… and that I might become even more poorly and then said that… I might not live as long if I’m not careful.” Jean had stopped tugging at the grass and had become silent, Eren’s words ringing loud and clear in his ears._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Well he said…  I wouldn’t be able to play football or do sports like most boys my age.” He looked Jean in the eyes, his eyes brimming with tears. “I can’t become a swimmer like I’d hoped to… my dream is ruined because of… because of this...” Eren paused, pointing to his chest. Jean stayed silent for a moment, then stood up, pulling Eren up with him._

_“Look here, just because the doctor says you’re poorly doesn’t mean you can’t achieve your dream… and besides that, you still have me and all the others here to support you.” He said, ruffling the green-eyed boy’s hair, who nodded at him. “I’ll tell you what, ever year on the 11 th of July, just us two will visit here and talk about everything you want to do. We’ll make a bucket list of everything you want to complete and I promise we’ll get it done!” He said, smiling. “Does that sound good?” Eren nodded and hugged the slightly taller male. _

_“Thank you so much, Jean! I’m really glad you’re my friend.” He said, pulling out a small rock out of his pocket. “Here have this.”_

_“What am I meant to do with this?” Jean asked, laughing._

_“Keep it to remember this day, it’s one of the smoothest rocks I’ve ever seen, so I wanted it... but you have it.” Jean chuckled and bent over, pulling out a half dead daisy._

_“In that case, here you go, young sir.” He said, bowing as he handed Eren the daisy._

_“Why, thank you~” Eren replied laughing, taking the flower with his grubby hands and placing it in his pocket._

_It would never cross their mind at the time that the two would have an unbreakable bond no matter how distant they may have seemed in the future._

***

Eren woke up to Jeans text book crashing down on his head.

“Oi, what the hell was that for?!” Eren growled, rubbing his eyes and looked up, angrily, from his desk at the other male.  
“You were sleeping in class and now it’s over,” Jean said, shrugging. “Get the fuck up, it’s time for lunch.” Eren yawned and Jean waited impatiently by the door as Eren gathered his things into his school bag.

“You didn’t have to wait for me.” Eren said bluntly, swinging his bag over his shoulder as they exited the classroom.

“It’s not like I wanted to, your sister asked me to make sure that you ended up at lunch sat with us all instead of sleeping through lunch time, yet again.” Eren shot a glare at Jean, creases forming in his forehead.

“You don’t need to fucking baby me because Mikasa asked you to.”

“Just shut up.” Jean groaned, entering the lunch hall and walking towards a table that was full of their friends. Armin waved at Eren and motioned for the other to sit next to him. Jean, on the other hand, set next to the smiling freckled boy on the opposite side of the table, giving him a kiss on his cheek, causing the boy to blush.

Eren looked around the table, silently pulling his food out of his bag. Connie, the most hairless of the group had his left arm wrapped around the girl next to him who was stuffing her face full of bread, beaming smiles at everyone. Annie was showing Reiner and Bertholdt her latest bruises and cuts from her last fight with one of the girls in school, Reiner admiring them and Bertholdt worriedly pulling out plasters, fussing over her. Historia was excitedly telling the girl next to her, named Ymir about how she had a solo for choir but was really scared about doing it on her own. Eren’s eyes glanced over to Jean and Marco. Marco was blushing as Jean tried to coo strawberries into the other’s mouth. His line of vision was suddenly cut short ad Mikasa put her hand in front of Eren’s eyes.

“Hey Eren, you’re not eating anything, you’re just picking at your food.” She said, raising a brow.

“It’s fine, I was just thinking about things,” he said back to her.

“Hmmm, like what?”

“What homework I have to do…” Eren mumbled.

“Hey if it’s homework you need help with, I can always help you,” Armin chipped in. Eren shook his head, shoving the cheese sandwich in his mouth.

“No It’s fine, I have a free period today because you guys have PE.” He said, between mouthfuls of bread.  
“You’re going to choke if you talk with your mouth full.” Mikasa said, wiping away the breadcrumbs that had fallen onto the table, earning a shrug from Eren. He sighed and crammed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and stretched. The others had PE to do today, so that meant he had a whole 2 hours to himself to… do nothing as per usual. He sighed, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, turning to Armin.

“Did you get any new books lately?” He asked the blonde.

“Yeah, I went into the school library today, they didn’t stock up on all of my requests but they had quite a few.”

“Maybe they didn’t stock up on all of them because you asked for about 50 of them,” he said, chuckling.

“39 not 50!” Armin protested.

“Bloody hell…” Eren laughed and gave Armin a light punch on his upper arm.

“What do you mean you’re not doing PE today?” Marco whined loudly, causing Eren to glance back over to the two lovebirds.

“I fell in the ditch outside our house this morning and my legs in pain so I asked my mom to write me a letter!” Jean explained, hurriedly.

“That’s the 2nd time this month Jean! If you keep missing out on PE you won’t be as fit and healthy for swimming trials at the end of the month! Besides that, you had training practically every morning and night and you never took any time off from that!”

“It wasn’t land training though, it was just swimming, my leg hurts less in the water and besides, Mike said that if I miss training this week,  I’ll never see get to see trials.” Marco sighed and shrugged, accepting Jean’s excuse.

Eren pulled out his phone, his fingers swiftly tapping on the screen.

Jean blinked and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

**[Eren]**

_You didn’t have to do that._

**[Jean]**

_Do what?_

**[Eren]**

_Lying about being ill so you could hang out with me during PE._

**[Jean]**

_This isnt about u, I legit hurt my leg. Stop thinking everythin I do is 4 u, ur not that important._

Eren grimaced and turned to Armin, apologetically.

“I’m going, I need the toilet.” He mumbled as an excuse, leaving before Armin had got a chance to say anything back. Marco pointed to Jeans phone that had buzzed on the table.

**[Eren]**

_Don’t worry, I wasn’t thinking straight for a second. I know you don’t care about me._

 

 


	2. I'll swim for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohmygosh, if there are any spelling mistakes, please do tell me

“Hey Eren, I have some class notes if you’re missing any, you could use them to catch up during free period.” Armin said, standing in front of Eren’s desk, his hands crossed over the books he was holding in front of him.

“No, no, it’s fine, honest.” Eren said, trying not to come across as rude. Sometimes Armin was trying too hard to help Eren and as much as he appreciated it he didn’t want the help. “Thanks anyway though, Armin.” He looked up and smiled and Armin waved goodbye, leaving with the rest of the classroom to attend PE.

His eyes scanned the room.

_I guess Jean went to PE after all_

He opened the classroom window and looked out till his class came out on the field. He sighed, leaning on the window ledge and chewed his lip.

“There’s nothing you’re missing out on, you do realise that, right?” A familiar voice said. Eren turned around to face the other.

“Jean.”

“Jaeger.” There was a moment of silence before Eren turned his back to the other and began to watch his class warm up. “You do realise I meant what I said, there’s really not anything you’re missing out on.” Eren rolled his eyes and turned around to face Jean yet again.

“You think I’m not missing out?” He pointed to the window. “That. That was my future. We both know that. Don’t try to kid me that I’m not missing out on anything.” He spoke in a calm and rational voice, clenching his fists slightly. He was so used to hearing this from everyone but it was so agitating hearing it from Jean. “Anyway, what does it matter to you whether I’m missing out on it or not? You don’t care, remember.”

“I…. ugh.” Jean knitted his eyebrows together. “Whatever.”

“Couldn’t come up with an excuse again?” Eren muttered to himself, stretching and then sat down. He never the other wouldn’t apologize for what he’d said, afterall, why apologize for telling the truth?

“I’m doing well in swimming; I have trials in two weeks.” Jean told the other, pulling up a chair to Eren’s desk, sitting opposite him.

“Hmm, so if you finish pass these trials are you going to nationals?” Eren asked, deadpanning.

“Yeah. You’re coming to watch, right?” Jean asked.

“As always.”

  
*****

_“Mom caught me trying to swim,” the younger Eren told Jean, his eyes glazed with tears._

_“Idiot, I told you that you’d get caught, why didn’t you just listen to me?”_

_“Why should I listen to you? Do you know how it feels to not be able to swim? Jean, it was my dream, I’d pictured it since I was practically able to walk! I miss the feeling of the water, being free and able to swim like I had no cares in the world. I miss the mini competitions I had back in the first few years of Primary School where I’d feel my heart pounding as I surged through the water, the blood racing through my body as I would push myself that extra bit harder to reach the finish line. I miss seeing everyone cheer and wave and my mom point at me and tell everyone ‘Look that’s my son!’ I miss it so much… I’ll never be able to feel that again.” Jean looked to the side, a pained expression crossing his face._

_“Eren… Look, I know-“_

_“No! No, you don’t know. Everyone looks at me and treats me like a fricken’ baby! I’m having people always trying to ‘protect’ me, like I’m some weak kid. I’m not weak though! I’m not!” He hit his back against the wall and slid himself down to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chin._

_“You really want to swim that bad?” Jean asked._

_“More than anything.”_

_“I’ll swim for you.” Eren looked up, completely puzzled by the others words._

_“How’s that supposed to help me achieve my dream?” Eren asked causing Jean to shrug._

_“I dunno. I just want to swim for you.”_

_“Jean that makes no sense,” Eren said, sighing at Jean’s logic._

_“Look, this is going to sound stupid but you’re closest to me, right? Well… I just feel that if I swam for you, you’d still be able to know what it feels like. I know it sounds weird and stupid but it just makes sense to me. I want to do this for you, for us.” Jean mumbled. Eren studied the other’s face, realising his was serious about this. He sighed and nodded._

_“Fine. Swim for me.”_

_*****_

“Jean, do you actually like swimming?” Eren asked, twiddling with his school tie.

_Stop thinking everything I do is for you, you’re not that important._

 

“Yes, I love it.” Jean nodded and leant back in his hair, smiling.

“How’s Marco?”

“Why do you ask? You rarely ask about him.”

“I was just wondering, no need to get all protective.” Eren answered, raising his hands in defense.

“Ahh, well he’s doing well. I remember how nervous I was about coming out to everyone, I was really happy when he asked me out.” Eren nodded his head, a smile stretched across his face, almost to the point where it looked forced.

_When I asked you out last year, you kept shaking your head, muttering no. Am I that repulsive?_

“When we went over your bucket list on Sunday, didn’t you want to go to that new ice cream shop?” Jean asked, the other, looking in the window at his own reflection, examining his hair.

“Yeah, I did, you don’t have to join me for everything I want to do on the bucket list.”

“No, I’m free tonight and I wanted to go anyway.”

“Why do you always do this?!” Eren exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

“Do what?”

“You… Y-You’re _so_ distant from me after last year but yet you still insist on talking to me, you act like we’re best friends behind closed doors but in front of everyone we’re like strangers and then you say I’m not important, yet you still swim for me, do the bucket list with me then you want to hang with me when you have free time and act like everything is okay! It’s not okay, you’re always fucking acting weird and changing your mind! Why don’t you ever speak your mind like you used to?! It’s so _aggravating!_ ” He yelled, standing to his feet, one hand resting on the desk and another clutching his chest as he began take deep breaths. Jean got up and took a step backwards.

“Look Eren, calm down, I’m sorry, okay?” Jean, he said, raising his hands up in the air, trying to calm Eren down.

“No, no you’re not sorry! You’re being a fucking prick! You’re always being a prick to me! Why do you keep doing things that make me think I am important to you but then you tell me I’m not?! You make no fucking sense!” His fist tightened and he gritted his teeth, breathing heavily.

“I... I don’t know why! My mind is just all confused!” Jean replied, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Stop making excuses. It’s obvious you’ve got a problem with me, so _stop_ being so damn chummy.” Eren shook his head, walking towards the door. “I’m going to the library away from you, don’t you dare try to fucking follow me.” With that he slammed the door, leaving Jean to sit back down and crumple into a heap on the desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it, please comment and give me feedback, I love hearing from you~!


	3. Mint Chocolate Chip Cough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is sort of rushed, I may come back to edit it to make it longer.  
> I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, also.

Eren walked out of the school gate, coughing into his hand, Mikasa and Armin following after him.

“Hey, Eren are you okay?” Armin asked, looking up at him. He smiled and looked down.

“Yup, why do you ask?”

“Because you left without us,” Mikasa chimed in.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, sorry. I’ll try to remember next time.” He said, trying to look apologetic as he could. His phone began to play a merry tune and he swiped across the screen, accepting the call.

“What do you want?” He asked.

“Look Eren, I know you probably don’t want to speak to me but please, just meet me at the ice cream shop in an hour, okay?” Jean ordered, a cheerfully Marco humming in the background. Eren chewed his lip, thinking it over. Should he… should he give him a chance? Maybe he had been a bit unfair.

“Fine.” He said, cutting the call before Jean managed to get another word in. Mikasa kept glancing at him, a worried expression worn across her face. “Guys, I’m going to shopping centre, see you later.” With that, he began to walk away.

“Wait, Eren! Mom’s cooking food tonight, will you be back in time?” Mikasa called after him.

“Yeah, tell her I’ll be back at 8 the latest, I won’t be too long.” He grinned and waved, crossing the road.

He walked around the shopping centre for a long while before finally heading to the ice cream shop. The bell tinkled as he opened the door, greeted by a friendly welcome. He glanced across the room to see Jean already there… with Marco.

_You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

He smiled as he walked over, his heat banging his chest.

“Hey Jean… and Marco.” He smiled, swallowing a lump in his throat. A few hours ago he was raging at Jean so why did he feel plagued with disappointment as soon as he saw Marco.

“I asked Jean if I could come, I hope you don’t mind, I just really wanted to try the ice cream!” Marco said, grinning sheepishly. Eren nodded and sat down. Jean and Marco had already ordered their bowls of ice cream and there was a third bowl placed in front of him.

“It’s mint choc chip, I remembered that it was basically the only one you liked.” Jean explained with a mouthful of ice cream. Eren covered his mouth, turning to cough. Shit, he hoped he wasn’t going to catch a cough.

“Look it matches Eren’s eyes!” Marco chuckled, pointing to Eren’s ice cream. Eren glanced up at he could have sworn for a second that Jean was staring at him. He picked up the spoon, not bothering to question it and began to eat his ice-cream.

“Hey Jean, the choc chips in my ice cream look like my face because of the freckles.”

“Aha I guess they do, maybe I should eat you all up too~” Eren silently gagged on his eye-cream, rolling his eyes.

“J-Jean, don’t say stuff like that!”

“Why? Ahh look, there’s only a few chocolate chips in the ice cream though, there’s loads more on your face, I counted them all.” Jean said, looking pleased with himself.

“You counted them _all?”_ Asked Marco in astonishment.

“Well only the ones on your face. Maybe when we get back home tonight and can count the rest that are all over your body~” Eren’s eyes widened and ice cream spread in his mouth, becoming so sweet he wanted to be sick. He finished the last of his ice cream as he tried to block out the sound of Jean showing off and Marco stuttering. He covered his mouth again, coughing and spluttering before standing up.

“I’m done, so I’ll go now, you two have fun.” He began to walk off, Jean standing up to start walking after him and Marco holding onto his sleeve.

“But Jaeger-“

“No, I gotta get back home, I feel ill and my mom’s expecting me back any minute. Sorry.” He said and with that, he left, the door slamming shut and the bell ringing throughout the room.

He shivered as the cold air hit him. Damn it was cold. He began to walk along the pavement pretty slow but with the cold ice cream still making him shiver and the air suddenly becoming strangely cold, it was taking its toll on him, causing him to start wheezing. Shit, he needed to get back home, this was not a good sign. He panted and wheezed his way back. Knocking on the door, hacking a cough out as he did so, nearly falling flat on his face as Mikasa flung the door open.

“You’re home. You’re earlier too.” She said pointedly. She started intently at his face, frowning before holding her hand out to his cheek. “Shit you’re bloody boiling!” She pulled him in, dragging him to the sofa and went into the kitchen.

“Mom, Eren’s burning up.” Eren closed his eyes, listening hard to hear what his mom and sister were saying.

“Hang on Mikasa, I’m on the phone. Wait, what do you mean burning up?”

“He’s burning up, like, his face is suddenly really hot.”

“Hang on. Mmm, I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to call you back, my son’s ill again. Nope, nope, yes I know, I’m sorry, I promise I’ll call back the minute I’m free.” Eren strained his ears, hearing his mom put the phone down. “Is he worse than last time?” She asked.

“No, he’s not that hot but he’s burning up, You know what happened last time we thought it was minor,” Mikasa reminded her mom.

“Yes I know.” Eren heard footsteps and glanced up to the door as his mom entered the room. She looked worn out and tired and had dark circles under her eyes. “How are you, sweetie?” She asked.

“I’m fine mom, it’s just a little ccough, honest, it’s nothing bad.”

“It’s got to be bad, you weren’t coughing yesterday.”

“Shut up Mikasa, I’m fine, coughs come and go. Everbody has them.”

“But _you’re_ not everybody, Eren!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He yelled back at her, bending over to hack into his hand. “Look mom, I swear I’m fine it’s just a cough, if it gets any worse I’ll tell you.” He smiled and exited the room, his mom shooting a worried look over his shoulder. He knew they were worried but it was a fucking cough and a slight temperature. It wasn’t anything serious. He sighed and flopped onto his bead, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled in out, glancing at the screen.

**[Jean]**

_Why did you leave early today? Am I still not forgiven?_

He sighed and tapped his fingers across the screen.

**[Eren]**

_It’s fine, I was feeling ill._

**[Jean]**

_U ok?_

**[Eren]**

_Yes I’m fine I just have a cough_

**[Jean]**

_K. Tell me if it gets worse_

**[Eren]**

_It’s not like you can do anything about it_

**[Jean]**

_Stfu I was just trying to be helpful_

**[Eren]**

_K_

He sighed and placed his phone on his bed side table, beginning to strip so he could take a shower. He walked into the bathroom, switching the shower tap on, the water drizzling onto his head. He sighed, reaching out for the shampoo, scrubbing at his hair. Why did Jean even bring Marco? He knew that Marco wanted to come but seriously? He could have said this was a one-time thing, because it _was._ He groaned in frustration, rubbing extra hard into his scalp, the shower steaming up the room.

Also they were flirting right in front of him.

‘I’ll count all your freckles when I get back home.” Eren mimicked, rolling his eyes. He frowned, his chest suddenly aching. Why was he getting so jealous of Marco? Yes, he’d asked Jean out a while ago but he was pretty sure he’d got over him and on top of that, he’d been screaming his face off to Jean earlier today. He took a deep breath out, his head suddenly beginning to spin, His breathing started to hitch and his head spun as he grasped his chest, his vision blurring and hot tears burning his eyes. He groaned, pulling himself out of the shower and grabbed onto the rail, repeatedly hacking out coughs as his grip  loosen on the rail and he crashed to the floor, the loud thud and crash echoing throughout the room as his sight completely blackened.

_Jean…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is rushed so I probably will rewrite some of this so I'll keep you regularly updated.   
> Next chapter will hopefully be told from Jean's POV.  
> Please, please, please comment, your comments get me so motivated to write the next chapter and I love hearing from you! V.V


	4. Hospital Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean visits Eren in the hospital and overhears a nurses conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for any bad grammar or spelling. I hope you like it!  
> (Also, side note: They're both out of character slightly, Jean especially as he's not afraid to say what's on his mind whereas in this situation he is. Maybe it's different when it comes to love though, ey?)

Jean glanced at his phone, groaning because it was so early in the morning but then his face beamed as he noticed the caller ID was Mikasa- but Mikasa only called him if there was bad news.

“Hey Mikasa… What’s wrong?” He asked, answering the call.

“I guess you’d probably want to know but Eren was hospitalised last night, he had an asthma attack in the shower and has a chest infection,” she stated. Jean began to chew on his nails, his forehead creasing as he frowned.

“Ahh… So who else knows this?”

“Everybody.” God damn it, why was he the last one to know about Eren? After all they were childhood friends… even if he was a douche to him. As if Mikasa read his thoughts, she carried on. “I didn’t call you yesterday because the last time Eren was in hospital you didn’t sleep the whole night. If you want to visit him today you can.” Jean swallowed and nodded.

“Thanks Mikasa, I’m guessing they’ve took him to Trost hospital?” He asked.

“Yeah, the ward that he’s doesn’t have visiting hours, it’s open all day but only close family and friends can visit. Mom told them your name so you’ll be allowed in to visit.  You’re welcome.” She said and placed the phone down. He sighed and got up, stretching. Her voice sounded raw as if she’d been crying and she sounded like she hadn’t had a good night sleep. He shook his head and picked up the phone to tell Marco he’ have to cancel their date because he was going to visit Eren in the hospital.

***

He swallowed as he entered the ward, a nurse ushering him to clean his hands with the anti-bacterial soap. He sighed as he rubbed it in, pacing the floors till he reached the desk.

“Hi, I’m Jean Kirstein, I’m here to see Eren Jaeger.” He said, trying to sound as professional as he possibly could.

“Right this way.” The young nurse said, smiling as she led the way. Jean wondered if it was tough on the nurses to see the patients get really ill.

“Thank you.” He told her as he entered the room, pushing the door open quietly. Eren was in isolation so Jean knew the infection must have been pretty bad because they couldn’t risk giving it to the other patients. He walked over to the bedside table, Eren’s chest fluttering up and down.

“Is he okay?” He asked, turning to the nurse who was checking something at the end of his bed.

“He’s okay for now, he had oxygen last night due to his breathing being unsteady but he’s able to breathe a lot better now, he’s just sleeping.” She told him, quietly leaving the rom and closing the door behind her.

Jean pulled up a chair next to Eren’s bed, sitting on it silently. He wasn’t too sure what to do. If Eren was awake they’d probably argue, if others were here they’d be talking about things that were interesting but it was just Jean. Here. Alone. With Eren. In the movies didn’t they always talk about their feelings to the patient while they were sleeping… it wasn’t like Eren was dying but maybe it was time to silently redeem himself.

“Uh well... oh god this is fucking weird.  It’s like I’m speaking to myself but actually I’m speaking to you… Well uh…” He cleared his throat, placing his hand on the other’s arm, Eren’s eyes twitching for just a second. He nearly drew his hand back but when he notice Eren didn’t stir again, he kept it on the other’s hand.

“Right okay, so I know I’ve been a douche to you, like… I’ve just been real nasty to you in the past few years. I wanted to distance myself from you, I didn’t want you getting hurt around me... no, no that’s not it… I was selfish and _I_ didn’t want to hurt myself… Do you know something? When you told me you liked me, it was probably the happiest moment of my life… but then I kind of just panicked… I can’t let you be with someone like me, I’m stupid and I treat you like shit and also… as I said before, I’m selfish, I knew that by being in a relationship with you, I’d get hurt. I didn’t even think about your feelings.

I’m sorry for running away and closing you off. I knew that if I was going to date you, I’d have to always be next to you when you were ill… I didn’t want to do that, I didn’t want to sit there and witness you ill because it’d hurt me. I’m so… _stupid.”_ He frowned, his grip tightening on the others arm. “I don’t even understand why you want to be friends with me… I mean, I rejected you in the worst way,  I’m sometimes nice to you but then I’m also a dick so that’s got to be confusing and on top of that… I purposely flirt with Marco in front of you. I. Am. So. Sorry.” He shook his head, running his hand down to the other’s hand and squeezing it. “It’s too late for us to be together because I’m with Marco now and you’re over me… I’m not over you thought but I guess that’s karma, ay. I deserved it for being selfish and mean towards you…” He sighed and pulled his hand back, his throat dry. Jean’s hand rummaged into his pocket, pulling out the loose change. He smiled and pushed Eren’s hair back. “I’ll be right back, m’kay?”

“We’re going to have to call Mrs Jaeger in, we’ve got some bad news.” Jean paused in his footsteps, quickly dashing into one of the corridors where the nurses couldn't see him but they was still in range of being heard by him.

“What did the results come back as?” He heard a low pitched voice ask.

“We’re going to have to take some blood tests. His skin is slightly paler than the last time he came to visit us, his weight has decreased rapidly and he’s got mild swelling above his collar bones and his neck.”

“And then he’s been coughing too, hasn’t he?”

“Yes. The doctor just wants to do some tests and see if he’s okay, it could just be side effects from medication but-“

“But it might not be.”

“Yes.” Jean swallowed, not too sure how bad the situation was. He wasn’t a doctor, he’ didn’t know what all this meant. He saw the other nurse walk off and he jumped, quickly pushing himself up against the wall to hide. He was about to walk off until he heard the other nurse who was involved in the conversation turn to speak to a male nurse.

“It’s a shame about that Jaeger boy, isn’t it?”

“What, Eren Jaeger?”

“Yeah, he’s going to have a few blood tests. Listening to the symptoms that were described, the main thought that flashed through my head was-“

“-Hey, we’ll have none of that, we stay positive until results come back, you should know we don’t just guess beforehand.” The male nurse scolded the other.

“Yes, yes I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” She chuckled and hummed to herself, walking down the opposite corridor to Jean. Jean stood there, his eyes wide. There was no way. He stumbled down the corridor, muttering to himself as he exited the ward to get a drink, his head screaming silence. He entered the ward, washing his hands and found his way back to Eren’s room. He entered, standing at the end of Eren’s bed. He was desperately trying to calm himself down, his heart pounding and his head constantly repeating what the nurses had said.

Jean pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing the floor. It might not be true, it can’t be true, it won’t be true, after all the other nurse said that it might be nothing. _Might._ He ran his hand through his hair, gripping at it as he began to tug at it in frustration. What was wrong with Eren?

“There’s no way it’s true…” He muttered to himself.

“What can’t be true, Jean?” Jean looked up to see a tried Eren, blinking his eyes at him and looking around the room to check his surroundings. “Ugh, I’m here again…”

“Ah, you’re awake!” Jean said, sitting down beside him. “Want some water?” Eren raised a brow and then nodded, reaching his hand out, shakily and took the bottle off of him.

“Ta.” Eren thanked him, propping himself up, his face grimacing in pain. “My chest fucking hurts.” He stated, grinning at the other.

“Don’t grin when you say shit like that, dickhead.” Jean groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, hey, I’ll say what I like, I’m the patient here, it’s my room!” Eren shot a cheeky smile at Jean then lent forward, choking. “Hah.. I forgot I was ill…” He gave a small lopsided smile at Jean and stretched. “So what are you doing here anyway? I’m surprised you didn’t bring Marco with you.” Jean scrunched his face up for a second and looked away.

“Hey, calm down, dickshit, I’m joking!” Eren coughed into his hand while trying not to laugh.

“Why are you always so happy when you’re ill?” Jean suddenly asked, turning to face Eren again.

“What do you mean?” Eren asked, tilting his head to the side, his fridge sticking to his damp forehead. Jean shrugged and lent over Eren’s bed, placing one hand on the bed as he used his other hand to wipe Eren’s head with the spare tissue he had in his pocket. Eren started at him, slightly shocked. They hadn’t actually been this physically close for a while, well not that he knew to anyway, he was asleep when Jean was clinging onto his arm.

“You… you’re always so happy.” Jean muttered, looking into Eren’s eyes and then quickly moved away, sitting back down.

“ _Well_ … I don’t know… I’m not _always_ happy.”

“You are whenever you’re in hospital.”

“Dude…” He raised his hand to his mouth, coughing again. “You’ve only ever visited twice, this being the second time. I was cheerful the first time because you, Sasha and the rest were all allowed to visit me.” He stated, simply.

“Oh… You’re a funny kid, you know that?”

“Kid? What the hell Jean, I’m the same age as you, you douchebag!”

“You look like a kid,” Jean teased.

“I fucking don’t!” Eren growled and crossed his arms over his chest. “You have to be nice to me, I’m the patient.” He pulled a face at Jean, laughing and the pushed himself to sit even further up, coughing and spluttering. “Shit...”

What, do you want me to give you a rock?” Jean asked. They both suddenly stayed quiet as if they were remembering their childhood and then turned to stare at each other.

“Jean-“ Eren was suddenly interrupted, the door to his room flying open.

“Eren, how are you feeling?” He looked up to see his sister enter the room, his mother following behind. Jean stood up, dusting himself off and offering the seat he was sat on to Mikasa.

“I’m fine now Mikasa, just coughing a fuck load.”

“Eren, don’t use that language.” His mom chipped in, raising a brow.

“Sorry ma’.” He sighed, reaching for the inhaler on the end of his bed.

“Eren?” Jean raised his voice, suddenly a lot closer to the door as if he was about to exit. “I’m gonna go now so you can spend time with your family.” Mikasa shot a thankful look at Jean and Eren nodded, waving. “Bye Mikasa, bye Mrs Jaeger, bye Eren.” He left the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He waved goodbye to the nurses at the desk and left the ward. He was shocked at how calm and natural Eren acted while being hospitalized. He was pretty sure if it was him in hospital, he’d be pissed off and annoyed, maybe even scared.

Jean’s chest banged against his ribcage, suddenly remembering what the nurses had been talking about. Eren had been so damn cheerful, he’d forgotten… but maybe that was for the best? Maybe there really wasn’t anything wrong with Eren. He tried to convince himself that because it was Eren, there was nothing wrong, there _couldn’t_ be anything wrong. Surely?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on other fanfics so I don't tend to stick to a schedule of when to upload.  
> If you have anything you want to say, questions or suggestions, please comment below, I love hearing from you!


	5. First Kiss and Second Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure where to go with this chapter, sorry for updating so late, I hope you like it.

“Hey ass-wipe, I heard you got out.” Jean shouted across the road to Eren. They were both walking along opposites sides of the streets towards their school, Eren finally discharged after a week or so.

“That's a great way to greet me after never coming to visit me. Did Mikasa say something to scare you off?” Eren chuckled, crossing the road.

“Eh, she doesn't scare me one bit. No, I was busy all week so I couldn't really visit you.” Jean replied, rolling his eyes. It was true that Mikasa hadn't scared him off but once he'd saw that Eren was okay last week, he just didn't want to visit again. Every time he thought about the hospital he felt and faint and sick, the conversation that the nurses had, constantly trying to rerun through his head. 

_It's okay, it might not actually be something._

“Hey, Jean!” A breathless voice called out behind him. He and Eren turned around to see a familiar freckled boyfriend running towards them, his cheeks red and he huffed. “I came around to your house slightly earlier this morning and your mom said you _just_ left. Since when do you leave so early?” He reached out for Jean's hand and for a split second Jean hesitated before taking Marco's hand. “Hmm, are you too shy to hold hands in front of Eren?” Marco teased. “Oh, hi by the way Eren, I hope you're feeling better!”

“Thanks Marco, I'm feeling a lot better now, aha.” Eren chuckled, rubbing the palm of his hand against the back of his neck. “We have tutor for first period then what classes do we have after?” Eren asked, craning his neck to look at Jean who seemed to be only paying attention to the concrete floor he was working on. “Hey, _Jean_!”

“Hmm? Oh... Sorry, I was thinking.”

“You, thinking? That's a first.” Eren laughed, Marco muffling his chuckle behind his hand.

“Hey! I can think.” Jean growled, scuffing his shoes as he walked.

“Don't drag your feet babe, you'll ruin your shoes.” Marco pointed out, frowning slightly causing Eren to gag. Marco was sweet an' all but he acted so much like a mother it was unbelievable. Jean already had one of those who he tended to shout at a lot so he couldn't really understand why Jean had actually never started shouting at Marco. Then again, Marco probably didn't nag him as much as Jean's mom did. He turned to look at Jean.

“Hey Jean, even though I'm out of hospital, I gotta go back in today to get a blood test.” He told the other. He wasn't even sure why he was telling Jean, it wasn't like he actually cared, come on, he visited _once_ during the whole time he was in hospital- although it was more than he could say for any of his other classmates.

“Y-Yeah? Do you know why you have to have a blood test?” Jean replied, concentrating on the ground as they walked in through the school gates.

“It's just a check up, I'm always having check ups these days.” He said, shrugging. “There's nothing wrong with me, they just like keep an eye on me to make sure nothing's gonna happen to me.”

“Hey, Eren?” Marco spoke up.

“Hmm, what?” Eren was kinda surprised that Marco was speaking to him, it's not that he never spoke to Eren... it was just very rare for him to.

“Do you have anyone you like? I mean, you've been single for as long as I can remember, infact have you even been with anyone? Have you ever even _kissed_ anyone?”

 Eren frowned. Why would Marco even ask him something like that?

***

 

“ _Jean!”  Eren called, knocking his knuckles against the wooden door to Jean's house till Jean's mom opened it._

“ _Hello, Ms. Kirschtein, can Jean come out today? It's really urgent!” The older woman chuckled and looked at her wall, eyeing the calendar that was hanging from it._

“ _Ahh, I see. It's the 11 th of July, isn't it? Of course he can go out with you. He was suddenly really well behaved at the start of this month.” She turned to face the stairs, shouting up at Jean, “Jean-boy, Eren's here, you can go now!” _

_In about two seconds flat, Jean came speeding around the corner of the stairs and thumped his way down, grinning at Eren._

“ _Ma, I told you not  to call me that anymore!” He sighed and turned to Eren, pushing past his mom, “Hey, Eren, thanks for coming over, I was going to ask mom to go over to yours later to go out but you bet me to it,” he laughed._

“ _Goodness sake, Jean-boy, be more careful, it sounded like a stampede while you were going down those stairs.” She laughed and waved the two younger boys off. It'd been a year since Jean and Eren had made the promise to go to the stream. Jean had rambled on and on to his mom about how they had made it a tradition to go and visit this stream every year on the 11 th of July. Excitement bubbled deep inside whenever he spoke about it._

“ _Hey Jean, I went to the hospital for another check up and they said they might have found something to help me be a bit more active.” Eren told the slightly taller of the two when they reached their destination._

“ _So that means you can join in with P.E. and you might even be able to swim?” Jean asked, kneeling down and shifting to lie on his back._

“ _No, I still can't... It'll just help me get along with my daily life an' all that,” Eren sighed and lay on his front, his head facing the same way as Jean._

“ _Hey Eren...A girl asked me out just before we finished school this year. Did I ever tell you?” Eren stared at him, but then rolled his eyes; it wasn't like this was the first time someone had asked Jean out before. They were only 12 and Jean thought he was some sort of casanova. Jean smiled a bit. “She was really pretty as well.”_

“ _So what's stopping you?” Eren asked, shifting his gaze to the ground  and reaching down to pull out a few scattered flowers from the dirt._

“ _Well she's moving schools when we go into year 8.” Jean said, shrugging._

“ _You still could date her.”_

“ _I don't like her though. Not like that. Y'know everyone says that you gotta date someone you love. I don't love her.”_

“ _Ah_." _Eren paused to think, then looked back at his friend._ "... _but you went out with that Sasha girl.”_

“ _Yeah but mom told me we're kids, and kids aren't allowed to date...so she stopped me.” Eren snorted and rolled over, lying on his back. “Hey, Eren, look I'm not even lying, that cloud looks Annie's nose!” Jean laughed, pointing his finger into the sky._

 _Eren settled his attention on the cloud that supposedly looked like Annie's nose. He smiled and giggled, agreeing that it did in fact, look like Annie's nose_.“ _Ahah, it does! Let's see if we can spot any more... Oh! That one looks like a sweat drop! It seems Bertholdt has been here.”_

“ _That one kinda looks like a bunch of grapes.”_

“ _This one looks like one of those old telephones back in the olden days!”_

“ _It does as well. I don't get why they were so big, I bet they couldn't carry them around. What use is that?”_

“ _Hey Jean, look at this one!” Eren said, gasping and bolted up, pointing and jumping. “It actually looks like me, it looks like me!” He grinned and pulled Jean up. “Look look, see? It looks like I'm kissing someone!” Jean laughed and shrugged. It just looked two people kissing, not really anything like Eren at all. He giggled to himself quietly._

“ _That other face next to it, that's gotta be me.”_

“ _Ew, why would it be you?” Eren asked._

“ _Well who else would it be? That hair style looks exactly like mine!” Eren groaned and stared harder. He guessed it kinda could have been Jean._

“ _Jean, isn't that gross though?”_

“ _How so?”_

“ _I dunno, I mean... I remember in class when Ymir kissed Christa, everyone kept teasing Christa and calling her a lesbian... wouldn't that make us lesbians?” Eren asked, Jean slapping his forehead. Eren was pretty dense._

“ _If two girls kiss they're called lesbians and if two guys kissed they're gay,” Jean explained. “I don't understand why they have names for them, I mean, isn't it exactly the same whether it's a boy or a girl?”_

“ _I guess... but I heard people get beat up for it.”_

“ _People get beat up for everything these days, it's stupid, I saw some stuff on the 7 o'clock news when my mom was watching it once. I don't see why it's seen as icky.”_

“ _Maybe because you never see a dad and a dad.”_

“ _You do sometimes, it was on the TV once.” Eren shrugged again and stretched, walking closer the the stream. “Eren do you wanna see if there's a difference?” Jean asked him._

“ _How am I gonna do that?” Jean sighed and pointed to the sky. Now he looked closely it kinda just looked like two potatoes. “Me and you should kiss. It's not gonna mean anything because we're friends. Anyway you already had to kiss Ymir in dares so it's not like I'm your first-”_

“ _Don't ever bring that up, she punched my face so hard after!”_

“ _Dude, I know, you were crying your eyes out and I had to take you to the nurses office because you thought she broke your chin. Are we gonna do this or not?" He asked taking a hold of Eren's had._

“ _But it's.. but...”_

“ _But?”_

“ _You have a big butt.” Eren sniggered._

“ _Eren! I'm being serious just...” Jean pursed his lips, his face red and quickly lent in, pressing his lips against Eren's. “See?! It didn't mean anything, did it?” Jean asked, quickly pulling away. “There wasn't any difference between kissing me and kissing a girl.” Eren nodded, swallowing thickly._

_Jean was wrong. There was a difference between kissing him and a girl._

_The difference was that his heart beat a lot faster._

 

_***_

 

“Dude, my first kiss was Ymir.” Eren groaned at the memory, Marco and Jean laughing at his face as they walked into the school.

“See you in 3rd period, Marco!” Jean called, turning the same corner as Eren, walking towards their tutor room. “Thanks for not telling him.”

“Telling him what?”

“Well... y'know... about your second kiss.” Eren furrowed his brows and glanced over at Jean.

“What do you mean? Ymir's been the only one I kissed.” He turned his face away from Jean as he entered the class. Of course he remembered that he'd had a second kiss, he just sometimes wish he hadn't.

If he hadn't of kissed him, he was sure he wouldn't have feelings for him to this day.

 

***

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this or have any suggestions, criticism or ideas, please comment below, I love hearing from you!


	6. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finds out some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly so sorry about not updating, I hit a stump and I feel this chapter doesn't fit in at all. If you don't actually like this chapter and think it's too rushed or too soon, leave a comment because I'm seriously thinking of restarting this and fixing it up a bit.

  
  


“Eren, honey,” Carla called, peering from the other room. “how did your appointment go? Are you feeling OK?” Eren paused before giving his mother a tight smile and a small nod. He couldn’t tell her...not yet. She probably had other things to stress over. “I’m making something special tonight.” 

“Okay. What’s special about it?” Eren asked, his staring at the floor.

“It’s me who’s cooking, that’s what special about it, aha.” Carla chuckled jokingly, a small smile on her lips. Eren just returned her joke with another small nod if his head. His grip tightened on his bag.

“Alright…See you in a bit then. I’m not feeling well, and I’m gonna rest upstairs for a bit.” He started up the steps lazily. Carla nodded, watching as her son clomped up the stairs to his room, then retreating back to her previous occupation.

Eren shoved his door open, then kicked it closed. He leaned back against his door heavily, the bag slipping out of his grip and falling to the wooden floor. His eyes were wide and his heart was picking up pace. Eren re-ran everything that was said earlier during his appointment.

_The results were bad._

No no no, he was screaming in his head. His hand shot up to grab at the shirt covering his heaving chest , his breathing became dangerously fast, and he could feel his throat swelling up.

_We…We don’t want to jump to conclusions…_

Tears pricked at his reddening eyes, his cheeks flushed in frustration, and the lump in his throat grew every second he tried holding back his tears.

 

_We’re not sure whether you’ll make it till next year._

He shut his eyes tightly, letting a few tears flow out and stream down his dry cheeks. He took a shaky breath and sank to the cold floor, his fist tightening into the fabric of his shirt. Eren’s quiet, quick and hopeless sobs echoed throughout the empty room. This was it, he thought as he opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. He brought his free hand up to cover his mouth to suppress his sobs. Why? He had gone through so much. He had managed to beat every infection thrown at his weak immune system, and now…it was just going to end like that? Just like that? He had so much left to do…He hadn’t even finish his bucket list with Jean-

Jean.

What would everyone say…? They would all have to find out sooner or later. His mother especially… He knew how she would react, and he couldn’t bear seeing her like that. Eren let the image of his mother pass through his mind over and over, unable to get it out. He choked out a few more sobs, shaking as he stood up, his body swaying unevenly.

He sat down on his bed, covering his mouth in a desperate attempt to stop his crying.

“Hey Eren?” Eren's head quickly whipped to the side, hearing a faint knocking coming from his door.

“W-Wait a sec! Don't come in, I'm getting changed!” He shouted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Sorry. I just wanted to know if you're okay. You sounded like you were crying,” Mikasa called from the other side of the door. Eren gritted his his teeth and forced out a shaky laugh from his lips.

“No, sorry to disappoint you sis but I was laughing.”

“Oh... Are you sure you're okay then?” She asked, a wave of uncertainty still lingering in her voice.

“Yes, honest.” He shoulders, looking up at the ceiling. They honestly cared so much about him... they'd put up with him for so long, suffered so much and he couldn't stop himself from thinking about how much pain he was putting them through. He took a few more shaky breaths before flopping back against his bed, the mattress creaking underneath him as he did so.

 

***

“Eren, come downstairs, I've finished the dinner!” He heard his mom call upstairs. His eyes fluttered open and he rubbed at them, feeling tired and sore from all the crying he'd done.

“I'm coming,” he called back. The brunette stood up, glancing in the mirror. He'd taken a small nap but his eyes still looked swollen and slightly sore but he could easily pass it off as a minor cold- even if that mean this mom and Mikasa would probably pester him.

“Thanks for the food.” He said as he approached his seat at the small dinner table. “Hey, Mom, I thought you said this was special?”

“It is special, it's your favourite; pizza.” Mikasa butted in.

“When you said special I was expecting you to try to cook up something I wouldn't be able to pronounce,” he looked up from his plate, “but this is still special because as you said earlier; it's cooked by you.” Carla raised a brows in shock at the compliment, not usually hearing her son say anything like that.

“Are you okay Eren?” His mother asked, leaning in a bit closer to inspect her son. “Your eyes look a bit red.”

“I've just got a bit of a cold, don't worry, it's nothing,” he looked up at his mom, swallowing the small lump that had gathered in his throat again and forced a grin. “Honest.” His mom nodded, not wanting to pry too much.

“Hey Eren, have you caught up on all your homework? Jean told me that you were behind.” Mikasa said, reaching out for her drink.

“No, I'm not that behind on work, jeez, I can do it myself.” He looked down at his pizza slices, suddenly standing to his feet. “I really don't feel too well, I think I'm just going to go and lie down for a bit...” He gave a tired smile to his mom and then to Mikasa, hurriedly leaving the room and escaping to his bedroom.

School... was there seriously any point in trying to carry on like everything was normal? In literally a few days, his life had gone downhill and he wasn't even sure what to do anymore. There was no one who he could talk to or even explain about how he was feeling.

He glanced at his phone in the darkness of his room, the bright screen light illuminating the room as it flashed to tell him he had a message.

Jean.

Couldn't he tell him?

No... he couldn't put him through that... but- there was something he could tell Jean. His fingers quickly began tapping at the screen and he held the phone up to his ear, waiting patiently for the other to to pick up.

“Hey Eren, did you read my text?” The familiar voice asked through the phone. His voice was so comforting and Eren couldn't help but smile and close his eyes.

“I only just got it... Jean, don't ask any questions, just please... meet up with me in 30 minutes by the creek, I have something to tell you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I really appreciate your comments, so I'd really like to here some constructive criticism on this so I can decide where to go with this.


	7. Fallen Flowers From the Dirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo  
> I finally updated. This was on hiatus but I think I got my mojo back?

Jean frowned as he put the phone down.

“I'm sorry Marco, I'll be back later, I have to go,” he told him, quickly buttoning up his shirt. Marco reached out for the male's arm and pulled on it gently.

“What? Where do you have to go?” He asked, the creases in his forehead visible.

“There's been an emergency... I gotta go babe, I'm sorry.” The male sighed and placed a kiss on the freckled male's forehead.

“Ahh, well I hope whatever happens goes okay.” He gave a reassuring smile to Jean and then pulled the covers over him. “You're still coming back to mine after, right?”

“Yeah, I won't be too long, I promise,” Jean told him as he quickly pulled up his jeans, nearly falling over in the process. “I'll see you later then.” He didn't even give Marco a change to reply before he quickly left the bedroom with his jacket flung over his shoulder and his shoes still in his hands.

What on earth was did Eren need? Sure, they'd called each other a few times but Eren had never asked him to meet up without an explanation- especially at _that_ place. Whatever it was, it must have been important. Jean was so sure he could hear desperation in the boy's voice- it was like he'd been crying.

As he shut the front door, a sudden thought hammered down into his head. Images of the nurses talking in the pasty hospital corridors ran through his head and he tried hard to shake the images out of his head.

“C'mon, it's probably nothing. Jaeger's probably just.. ran out of ice cream at home and wants me to buy him some,” he tried to reassure himself under his breath. He knew how pathetic the idea sounded but he'd much rather Eren want to call him for ice cream then to tell that the nurses Jean overheard were right.

He glanced down at his watch as he paced through the streets, the orange street lights flickering odd shadows against the buildings. The male stuffed his hands in his pockets and whistled a tune to himself as he began to walk through the fields he had to trench through to get the creak.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered under his breath as he marched through the muddy fields. He really hoped Eren had took a cleaner path somehow but knowing the other male Jean highly doubted it.

When Jean finally reached the creak, he was surprised to see Eren crouched by the water. He expected him to be there but not picking at the dirt.

“What are you doing down there?” He asked, crouching down next to the male. Both males stayed silent as Eren picked at the dirt, pulling out a small flower from the mud and twirling it between his fingers.

“Meeting you,” the brunette replied.

“I know that.” Jean sighed and rolled his eyes. “But why are you right next to the creak? We usually sit pretty far back from the water. How about if you fell it?”

“It's a creak for god's sake Jean. I'm not going to hurt myself by sitting my a bit of water.” Jean noticed that the male's voice sounded a little bit raspy and arched a brow at the sentence. He swallowed the lump that had began to gather in his throat again and scratched the back of his neck.

“Why don't we go and sit back over there?” The taller male asked, standing up. “C'mon, let's go.” Eren kept his gaze towards the ground and reached out for Jean's hand that was held out to help him up.

“Thanks.” He muttered, pulling his hand away the second he was stood up straight. He still had the flower grasped in his hand but Jean didn't question him.

“So... why'd you call me down here? It must've been important right?” Jean asked, noticing that his own voice sounded quite strained as he sat down on the damp grass. Eren shivered and sat beside the male, the distance between the two seeming wider that it actually was.

“I didn't really have anyone else to call,” Eren replied, fiddling with his fingers. Jean noticed that they were trembling slightly and began to pull off his jacket.

“Here, you're freezing, idiot,” He told the brunette as he wrapped it over Eren's shoulders. How cliché, he thought to himself.

“Thanks.” Eren let out a sigh and turned his head to face Jean. Jean realised it was the first time Eren had actually looked up from the ground since he'd seen him. Eren's eyes were wide and usually red and his cheeks were flushed- probably due to the cold weather.

“You know, when I was younger..” Eren paused and twirled the flower between his forefinger and thumb, “I thought life was always going to be the same. That I'd always be best friends with you, That... that I'd swim, that if I grew up I'd one day go to university and get a job I liked. I'd go on multiple dates and flirt with a few people before finally settling down. I thought that one day I'd marry the person of my dream and... have cute lil' kids or something- I decided when I was nine that I'd have at least two children whether they were biological or adopted. I'm a pretty neat cook so when they come home, I'd...” He swallowed and glanced down towards the grass, “I'd cook for them. We'd all be sat around the table and be talking about how well our day went...” Eren's voice had begun to crack and Jean clenched his hands into tight balls.

“What else?” He asked softly.

“I'd hope that I'd put the kids to bed and my partner would sit with me and we'd read them a bed time story. After they'd go to bed, me and my other half would sit down and watch movies and cuddle up and talk about random crap that made us happy. We'd go to bed and we wouldn't even have sex- we'd just cuddle more. We'd finally drift off to sleep and I'd fall asleep in their arms with a smile still on my face.” A tear dribbled down his cheek and he took a deep breath in.

“Eren...” Jean paused, unsure what to say. “You can still do some of those things no matter what happens.”

“No. No, I really can't. I need time for that.”

“Time? What'd you mean? You've got plenty of that,” Jean gritted his teeth, praying that Eren's reply wouldn't be what he thought it would be.

“No I haven't,” Eren swivelled around to face Jean, fresh tears running down his face silently. “I've only got a year.”

Jean felt like the breath had just completely left his body and he could barely hear the other male over the sound of his own heart pumping rapidly. A year? He'd got to be fucking joking. Eren could push past through it like he always did.

“But- It's only your lungs, right? I swear you only had acute asthma- That's not deadly, right?”

“Jean, I've been having way more medical problems that just asthma. See, when I went for a blood test, the results came back and they found out my lungs haven't been transferring as much oxygen to my blood as they should do and they haven't been removing CO2. I had a few chest X-rays, scans and lung function tests and...” He shook his head, unable to carry on. 

“You don't need to say anymore.” Eren's eyes widened as Jean shifted closer to him and pulled the other male in his arms. “Look, I know I'm not really the best person to talk to and I suck at comforting people but whenever you need me for whatever reason- And I mean whenever and whatever- Just tell me and I'll be there in a heartbeat. I'll drop everything and come running, I swear,” the taller male promised Eren as he ran his finger's through the male's chocolate locks. “You need you hair cut,” he mumbled, hoping Eren hadn't noticed his voice cracking. 

He had no right cry; Eren was the one who was going through the hard time, he was merely someone who was just watching on the sidelines. It'd be cruel to let Eren see his tears- The only reason he was even shedding tears was because he knew Eren wasn't going to be here anymore.  _ He'd  _ lose someone close to him.  _ He'd _ lose the person he took for granted, the person he thought was always be in his life even if it was from a distance.  _ He'd _ lose person he loved. Even then, wasn't that being selfish? Wasn't he only thinking about himself? 

Eren was the one who wouldn't be there. Eren was the one who wouldn't be able to sing, speak, laugh or cry. Jean would still be there. He'd still have friends around him, he'd still be able to listen to music, he'd still be able to laugh, he'd still be able to cry and he'd still be able to... 

breathe.

“Jean?” Eren looked up at the other male. “Do you seriously mean it? Will you always come no matter where? Will you always listen to matter what?” Jean nodded his head.

“How about if I had a request?”

“I'd happily accept it,” Jean told him truthfully, pushing a strand of the male's hair out of his face. It was getting darker and he could barely make out the other male's face. 

“Then kiss me?” Eren asked, staring at Jean. His eyes widened as he realised what words had come out of his mouth and he placed his hand over his mouth in shock. Shit. _Shit._ He wasn't mean to say that! Jean was with Marco, goddamnit. Jean didn't love him- What on earth was he thinking, asking something like that off Jean? “I'm so sor-” 

“Yes,” Jean interrupted the other male. He gave a weak smile and cupped the male's face, stroking Eren's cheek with his thumb.

“I don't want you to do this out of pity though,” Eren muttered, not noticing that the flower he'd picked up earlier had left his hand and had fallen to the ground. 

“This isn't out of pity, I promise you Eren.” Jean told Eren before leaning forward to press his lips against Eren. The rest of the brunette's body felt ice cold- so why was it that the moment their lips touched, he could feel heat burning on his lips, seeping through every part of the male that he touched?

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please give it a kudos or comment below, I'd really appreciate it. Also, if you did enjoy this so far, feel free to check out my other stories.
> 
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